live and learn

Mistakes... Their a part of growing up.... Their a part of learning.... They help shape who we become.... All I know, is that the mistakes I have made are going to make me a smarter person.

I'm tired of regretting my decisions, even though the thing that haunts me the worst wasn't entirely on me, i still feel like its my fault... and I hate that I feel this way...

the one thing i wanted to be super special was the one thing i carelessly gave away! My first kiss should have been a beautiful and romantic occasion... Not a forced make out session where the guy conducted an archeological excavation in my mouth... (and for the record for all you boys reading this... When a girl says no and that she wants to go home about 50 times you shouldn't force or coerce them into doing things they don't want to do)

Now losing my first kiss isn't the only mistake I've made... Theres been a couple... But I've learned from them... and even though I still get tempted to go throw up every now and again I now know that I shouldn't do it... Ive learned from it... And I've learned from all the other mistakes I have made... all except one..

The question I ask myself every day is Could I have changed the situation? Could i have stood up to my beliefs and said no more times that i did? Should I feel guilty?

The answer is that no I couldn't have changed the situation! No i couldn't have said no more times! And no i shouldn't feel guilty! I've learned that not only should I accept and learn from everything bad that I do but I should also accept and learn from the bad things that happen to me.... Mistakes can be made but they can also happen even if you don't want them to... You just need to learn from them... Good or Bad!

And thats what I'm going to do.... Now if I could only find a church were I can Confess... Just not face to face with the priest.... I don't have the guts to do that! lol!

I support!

What is normal? is there even a real thing that normality falls into? Can we even say that a person is normal, when there might not be a normal? And if there is a normal, is it really what the bible says it is?

Everyday Gays and Lesbians are bombarded with people telling them that they are abnormal. That they are not normal in the terms of the bible. Are they right or are they wrong? If they are right, why are they right? Is there wrong, then why are they wrong?

When people say they accept gays, but they still feel weird about what they are, are they really accepting them? Or are they just pretending to so they would be seen as close- minded people? When are people going to really accept Gay and Lesbians as normal people? Normal people who can fall in love with each other and can marry each other if they wanted.

(rant starts)

I have many gay friends and i fully support them! If they wanted to get married I would help them plan the most amazing wedding ever! I would throw them a gorgeous bridal shower (naughty of course ;p lol). I will always support them! But some people wouldn't. and that baffles me. how someone can say that in the bible it says that god doesn't have gays are being improper baffles me even more. Some of those people who preach the religious aspect haven't been to church in years! I know an uncle who is against Gay Rights because it doesn't say in the bible that they should be right! I have one thing to say to him,it also says in the commandments that you shouldn't cheat on your wife, so he is also "NOT RIGHT" and he is also going "against god"!

I was talking to a girl once while we where driving to mickey d's. She mentioned that she lost her mp3 at church camp. I said that maybe they stoled it. She said no, its church camp. I said if a priest can rape a little boy, im sure that someone in  church camp can steal an mp3. She said well theres gay priests so i guess they can steal it. I said i think a priest raping a child is worse than a priest being gay. She said well it doesn't say in the bible that you can be gay. My mouth dropped open. I was so pissed I wanted to tell her to get the FUCK outta my truck and walk her ass to wherever she needed to go! She was basically saying that the priest being gay was WORSE than a priest raping a child!! How can people be sooo close minded!! Sooo dumb!! This is just baffling to me!

I think that people have the right to believe whatever they want. But when they start to insult other people for what they believe in and what they practice, thats when i think they draw the line. If people like this girl or my uncle are considered normal, i think we are in deep shit! and yes i am criticizes people for what they believe in because they cant accept what i believe in, but, In my defense i am not the one who is cheating or insinuating that its better to rape a child than to be gay.... I guess everyone has a right to there own opinion. I just think that people need to be open minded.... (Rant now over)

Some of the most religious people are also some of the biggest sinners!

I'm PRO GAY RIGHTS!! And I believe that they should be able to fall in LOVE and get MARRIED to whomever they want to! And everyone who thinks otherwise can say hello to my little friends called my knuckles!

Boys Boys Boys!

Why are boys soooo confusing!

From my best guys friends to the guy I love, why are they sooooooo freaking confusing! You would think that the older I guy the better I would get at meeting and understanding guys, even though I have gotten better at meeting them, I still have no idea how to understand them. And that annoys me sooo much. And what makes it even worse is that even though I can totally hate this guy or he pisses me of or when he blows me off to hang out with an other girl I still find myself madly in love with him. Why do I put myself in that position.

Even though they are so confusing, I have learned one thing about them. They are DANGEROUS, and if you do not protect yourself correctly against them, they'll drag you threw the dirt and hurt you. And even though I've been dragged threw the dirt and talked into and out of some things by guys who didnt have the best intentions for me, I still go back to them.

I go back to the pain causers and then when they cause me pain I am crying to my friends about how much of an asshole this guys is!

Why do boys suck sooooo bad! All I want is to find a nice understandable guy who loves me and has good intentions for me.

And I want a guy who is not afraid to dance in the rain, sing songs to me, kiss in the rain, hold me tightly, love me, hug me! i want a GUYYYYY!!!! and NOWW!! lol

Wish upon a star..... Still Doesn't come true!

Hey Guys!

i haven't updated in a while and I apologize for that. I have just been so busy with school and family and life that I haven't had time to update but i promise I will update more frequently.

I watched this weeks episode of Glee and it was epic. Blame it on the alcohol was hilarious, yet sad for me for a couple of reasons.

1. because this weeks party scene at Rachel's house brought back memories of when me and my old friends were still besties. It made me remember all the fun times and all the stupid yet amazingly fun things we did!

and 2. because it made me realize how sucky it was that I didn't make it on the show! i wish the freaking casting directors would've like me enough to put me on the show. but apparently they didn't

After watching this weeks episode I have decided that i really want to audition for Glee again. Weather i have to go to Fox Studios in California and Start singing at the Security office at the entrance to the lot, i really wanna try again!

So here's hoping that everything goes good from here to the summer and I can go to LA with the girls and heres also to hoping that I can try to get another opportunity to audition for Glee!

And heres to hoping that I make it on the show and get to KISS DARREN!! Off- Screen! Were gonna date btw! lol

And heres to hoping that I will have a huge get together soon, and have a crazy night like old times!

The Holiday we LOVE to HATE

January is coming to an end and February is staring me right in the face, which means Valentines Day is almost gracing us with its presence. I still haven't decided if its a good thing or a bad thing. I love valentines day, partly because it has tons of pink involved. and the other part because i love LOVE! but i hate it because ive never had a Valentine on Valentines..... Hmmm lets hope this year is different.  I love to love Valentines but I Love to hate Valentines. I wish i had roses left at my doorstep or a teddy bear left on my desk in class. Or my truck painted with hearts and quotes by my Valentine. Or my Valentine could sing me a gorgeous love song. Or simply send me a text msg saying HI VALENTINE! That would make me happier!

But even if i wont get a Valentine again this year I'd still going to be happy! I just got accpeted into St. Mary's and I'm moving to San Antonio and gonna be with my Bestest Friends!! What else could a girl want... What else could make this perfect? Oh yeah... A Valentine! I wonder if i get one this year?....

Your a TrUe FrIeNd!

Ale, aLe, alE, ale, ALE..... No matter how you write it or say it, it means the same thing: Amazing Beautiful Strong Gorgeous Intelligent Fun Outgoing Trusting Funny Crazy Best Friend.

Ale is my best-est friend in the entire world. She's my sister from another Mister. She's my Confidant. She's my partner in crime. She is amazing and awesome and sooooo great!

I just want you to know that i appreciate your friendship. i love everything we do. I love everywhere we go. And i love love love when we go get our yogurt... okay okay I love the yogurt more than you but you knew that already lol ; )

You know that whenever you need anything you can call me, beep me, if you wanna reach me, if you wanna page me its okay, when ever you need me you know you can reach me baby call me beep me if you wanna reach me lol. okay enough with the kim possible theme song.

I love you bestie. Allways remember that your beautiful and those stupid douches dont  deserve you. Remember that people come and go in life but the ones that stay are the ones that love you. The ones that go are douchbags and bitches who cant handle how awesome you are. Remember that sometimes life throws some crazy obstacles in your way but its God's way of making sure youll be ready for your future success. An remember that whenever you hit a curb while driving your just making sure its their and didnt run away.

You are awesome and beautiful and i am glad that you are in my life!


<3 u missy!

The Climb

Tonight are the Golden Globes and I am sitting here seeing Some of the people that I look up to in the acting world receive their awards and I am crying. Part of me is crying because i am so happy for them, but the other part is crying for a whole other reason. I am crying because I see myself as that person. I see myself accepting the award and standing up on the stage thanking everyone i love.

Ever since i was younger i would pretend that i won awards. The only thing that has changed is that instead of thanking my teddy bears and Barbie dolls for voting for me and Snow White for always encouraging me to follow my dreams, I now thank the fans (whom i don't have.... yet) for voting for me and my family and friends for always encouraging me.

It's awards night that make me want to achieve my greatest desires even faster. it's nights like these that I wonder if I ever will. But it's also nights like these that make me realize that one day i will be exactly where I wanna be. And even if i never win an awards and only have one fan( who is my mom) I will still be happy because I'd at least be living my dream.

Today, Tomorrow, and the day after that is a climb. A climb to get me where i wanna be. And even if that climb is treacherous i will get to the top, i will succeed.

Until then i'm living my life and having fun. Partying hard and having no regrets.

Kinda like American Idol?!?!?

So apparently the Glee auditions I went to weren't for the actual show Glee. They were for a TV show for Oxygen where they try to find the new character for Glee. It's like american Idol but for Glee. Why wasn't I aware of this.... I was under the impression that I was auditioning for Glee itself, which it kinda is, but its also kinda like audition for american idol. I feel soo dumb because i didn't realize it! lol!

Thank you!

This past weekend i went to Dallas to audition for the popular TV show Glee. Unfortunately I didn't get a part in it, but I did have tons of fun. Before, during , and after I have been bombarded with so much support from my family and friends. I just want to tell you all thank you. Thank you soo much for believe me and for praying for me while I was gone. Your support means the world to me. I would not have been able to go through with this if it wasn't for all of you. I love you more than words can ever explain. To all of my family, thank you for supporting me since I was seven yrs old acting and singing in my local theater productions. To my friends, thank you for showing me so much love and supporting all of my music and passions. I love you all. =)

Glee and Snow!

This weekend was Amazing and Long! (Emphasis on the LONG)

First Victor, Jen, Kathy and I left on Friday at about noon.... instead on taking 57 he took the route through Brackettville which took us like four hours! It was long but fun and had some nice view spots. Since we took the longest route to San Antonio in history, we didn't get to Dallas until midnight. We checked into out hotel in Downtown Dallas and decided that we wanted to go out so we went to go pick up our friend Brian and went to a Gay club called S4. It was awesome! The Drag Queens are Fabulous! They were more pretty and perfect than I am! The club was empty because we got there like at two in the morning but we still had fun. After the club we where on our way back to the hotel when we got a flat tire! We were stuck on an empty street with a flat tire and its four a.m. Luckily Victor, Brian, Me and a cop were able to remove the tire and put the spare on. Once we got back to the hotel Brian and I stayed up till like 530 laughing about everything. 

Brian and I woke up at about 8 in the morning took my luggage to his house and took Victor's car to fix his tire, but it couldn't be fixed. He needed a new one and it was gonna cost a hundred dollars. So Jen Brian and I went to Brian's House while Kathy and Victor went to look for a new tire for his car. At Briana house we ate Chinese food (yummy). When i went out to his patio he had the most amazing view of Down Town, it was so inspirational. That day we stayed and Brian's and watched Mean Girls. Jen and i went to sleep early at around midnight so we could be well rested for the audition. 

We woke up and 5 am and we were still so tired. we left the apt at 7 and got into Fort Worth for the audition at 830. The line for the audition went two blocks away from the front door then wrapped around another two blocks. my number was 709. We were in line outside for about 5 hrs. Did i mention it was about 30 degrees outside! I had two jackets and a blanket and i was still freezing. Luckily the Glee Producers and Oxygen workers went all through the line frequently offering water, trail mix, and hand warmers. Once we got inside we waited in a room for about another five hours. There were 400 people in the room. whenever they would take people out they would refill the room back to 400 people. We were sitting down when the twitter Representative heard us singing and approach us to film a video to upload to twitter. I know for a fact that the entire cast of Glee saw the video because they uploaded it to the Glee twitter page. About 4 hrs in the waiting room we were greeted with Darren Criss's presence. Yes a Glee star visited us and gave us words of encouragement! He is super gorgeous in person! When we finally got asked to go to the audition room they let us in four at a time and our group consisted of me Jen Melissa and another girl. We all did Brilliantly and they said we  sounded great but they didn't advance us.

Event though they didn't pick us i still had the time of my life. 

After the audition they picked us up and we headed for the mall. We ate at an expensive Mexican restaurant  Even though i hadn't eaten all day other than two bottles of water and some trail mix i wasn't hungry so i ate  1 1/2 tacos. But they were good. but expensive. i paid twenty bucks for them!!  After dinner Brian Jen and I went to see black swan. it was amazing! After the movie we went back to Brian's and fell asleep. 

We woke up this morning (Sunday) and got ready to head back to Eagle Pass( through 57 this time lol) but on the way to Waco it started snowing. We stopped to take pictures and then to eat and the snow was still falling. there was probably about 2-3 inches on the road. it was so amazing. i had never seen snow in my life. We got to Eagle Pass at around 630 and i'm glad to be home.

Even though i didn't get a part on Glee i know one day I'll be able to do what I love and the world will see me do it! This rejection won't stop me! :) This weekend really set 2011 in stride! A fun road trip, an audition and Snow for the first time all in the first week of the new year makes me realize that this year will be EPIC!

Forgive and Forget

Just so you know, I always forgive and forget.